"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"

Its so busy and noisy in here, everyone is excited, lots of chatter,everyone is ecstatic lots of laughter. The whole room is full of youth and vigor. Everyone is eating, drinking, dancing and getting ready to scream "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" as in about ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ minute it would be 12am on the first day of January 2011. The year 2010 had lots of things in store and 2011 seemed to have more. And then the count down started "TEN!!!"everyone screamed. Lots of excitement was written on everyone's face. "NINE!!!" they screamed, drinks spilled and the heat was on."EIGHT" they screamed at the prospect of making more money in 2011. "SEVEN!!!" More screams as they made up their minds to all build houses at the end of 2011. "SIX!!!" The excitement was more intense. Hopes of getting married was fired up in the hearts of the ladies. "FIVE!!!" Louder screams with living the fancy life the center of everyone's thoughts. "FOUR!!!" Lots of people were off their seats with their hearts channelled towards getting ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ promotion in 2011. "THREE" now everyone was on their feet, thoughts on meeting that special person come 2011."TWO!!!" Everyone was running around. New year, new level,new car. "ONE!!!" The whole room was almost upside down. Everyone had gone crazy. Thoughts of celebrity status, red carpets, interviews, the paparazzi was everyones dream for 2011.....Annnndddd "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" Scrrreeeaaammmsss, ssshhhooouutsss, running around,drinks spilling,bottles and glasses shattering. Fireworks, Firecrackers,gunshots. Hugs, handshakes, pecks, kisses. Everyone was so elated, excited, jumpy, happy. Everyone was happy having fun. Tina's resolve was to stop lying in 2011, John's was to stop fornicating keeping himself for marriage, Aisha's was to stop being ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ homewrecker, Chinedu's was to stop internet fraud ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅.K. ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ 'Yahoo Yahoo', while Jumai's was to get close to God. Fast forward to Jan 3rd Tina lied to her mum about going for an all night choir rehearsal but went clubbin, Jan10 was John's best friends birthday bash where he met Abigail and took her home to hit it off all night long, Aisha met Alahaji Danjuma on Jan 15 and made him divorce his wife , Chinedu on the 1st of Feb could not take it anymore and went back to pushing buttons on his Laptop. As at March 1st Jumai had not opened her bible......Fast track to now we've had our Ten to One count down and have screamed "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" for 2012. We all have our resolutions я we keeping them or breaking them before Jan 31st? Think about that........




N:B drop your New Year resolutions in the comment section.

"28th December is Christmas Day"

"Honk,Honk" was the sound of the horn of the Mollue bus that woke me up this morning. "Oshodi, Oshodi, Oshodi wole with your 200Naira change, i no get change o" were the words of the bus conductor screaming for passangers to get on board his bus. His screams were similar to the cries of agony of ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ woman in labour. "Splash!" was the sound of the dirty water from the pothole on the road falling on my skin when the huge tyres of the bus dived into it."Puf, Puf, Puf" was the sound of smoke coming out of the wide exaust pipe of the bus and heading in my direction. And "Toohoorr" was the sound of my throat about to cough out my lungs after inhaling the smoke. You may ask where am i that all this is happening to me. My name is Chukwudi and i live under Ojuelegba bridge. By this time last year i was in the village where I belong. Going to the farm and helping out my parents in whatever way. I was through with secondary school and that was it about school for me. I was looking for something productive to do with my life. I had my school certificate, i had my muscles, all ‎​i needed was ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ job. Uncle Emeka came home for Christmas alone and when he was going back asked my parents to let me come stay with him in Lagos. I leaped for joy when he told me. I almost ran round the village. The prospect of going to the city (Lagos) made me dance better than King David in the bible. There was no music tho but danced on. My last days in Umuaku village i lived like ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ king. Commanding people around, buying things on credit with the promise to pay in ten folds as i was going to the promise land, the land of opportunities, the land flowing with pounds and dollars. Little did i know one year later, i wud be ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ member of one of the largest community of homeless people in Lagos. We got to Lagos and I met his wife. They were married for two years and had no kids yet. I could swear she winked at me the first time she saw me. Trouble. She bought me lots of stuff and told me not to tell my uncle. I didn't. Next she was making passes at me, rubbing me, begging me to sleep with her. I pushed her to the floor and made her see that i would never betray my Uncle Emeka, only for her to raise an alarm that i was about to rape her. She screamed an tore her clothes to get evidence against me. She brought out all that she bought for me and told my Uncle that I was ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ thief, stealing his money to buy things. Uncle gave me the beating of my life and threw me out. Now I'm on the streets. The cold night has become my airconditioning, torn up indomie carton laid on the tarred road is now my bed. Three days ago was the 25th of December, christmas day they call it but for me, NO. One eats chicken and rice on christmas, one spends time with family, one laughs ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ lot and goes to parties, but all i had was pure water, curses form my housemates, tears of sorrow, and regret. Today is the 28th of december and the sound of ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ mollue bus woke me up. I expected the day to go by just like that but something happened. It was unbelievable. Father christmas happened. ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ man was passing by and dropped 1000naira without even knowing. I pounced on it like ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ mad man. I screamed for joy like ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ barren woman who just did ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ test and realised she was pregnant, like the captain of ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ world cup winning team, like ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ cat who had just been handed ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ rat. Tears filled my eyes. I was actually going to eat chicken and rice. My day was made, my season was made, my christmas is today. "The 28th of December is Christmas day"....

"I'M PARANOID, ITS CHRISTMAS"

This morning i woke up barely sleeping for two hours, i had to watch my back all night as it was necessary, no, mandatory is more like it. Nobody wants to die but everyone wants to go to heaven. The concrete floor seemed ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ bit cold but i didn't mind. It was one of the most deadly times of the year for my species as everyone just wanted ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ piece of us. Our name was everywhere, in everyone's mouth, everyone loved us alive but better off dead. Yes your guess is as good as mine, "I AM ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ CHICKEN, I'M PARANOID, ITS CHRISTMAS". I woke up at the crack of dawn this morning and refused to crow. It didn't make sense to me. How would i tell everyone the time has come when my life would soon be over. How would i say to humanity "its time, i'm here come and get me". I hesitated. I felt if i didn't crow, the day would go by and humanity would wake up on the 26th and my neck would be safe, but i was wrong. I was dead wrong. The sun was coming up when i heard another rooster crow. "Oh My Gosh" i screamed, I'm dead. Why did that stupid old man alert everyone. Now I'm dead, i'm done for, I'm doomed, I'm finished. I went into hiding but it did me no good, these humans were too wise, they just knew how to drive me out of hiding. I tried under the car, he turned on the car and drove out. i tried behind the open door, she closed it revealing my feathery ass. I tried in the dogs cage but ran off when the mean animal charged towards me. My life was coming to an end, i could see it but there was nothing i could do about it. I was running around even when nothing was after me. I was paranoid. The whole world was against me. Me and me alone. The smell of death filled the air and this agitated me the more. And then i felt someone was coming, i slowly crept out of the garage just to come face to face with my oga with ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ knife in his hand. I froze, could this be it, we engaged each other in ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ staring match for what seemed like eternity, i tried scuttering to the right but there was his son, to the left was his other son and then i heard ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ bang behind me. The garage door was shut by his wife. ‎​i was trapped i couldn't move, i was shaking so bad my feathers were plucking themselves out. Could this be it. I tried flying off but was rushed by the three mean looking humans. They caught me, laughter filled the air as they were happy at the prospect of eating my flesh. They celebrated singing christmas songs one after the other. Tears filled my tiny dot eyes at the sight of death. I was being led to the slaughter, to the hole where my blood would be buried. In ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ few seconds it would all be over. My dream to become ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ lawyer advocating for chicken rights to live was over. I had failed in my quest, i had failed destiny...."I Am ‎​​​​A̶̲̥̅ CHICKEN, I'M DEAD, ITS CHRISTMAS"